Heat Wave

Today feels like walking out into a swamp, and rubbing myself in the water. Potentially on a crocodile. Alligator? Alligator. They’re fresh water. I finally feel like I understand 1/10th of what it would be like to experience “The Midnight Sun” [That’s an episode of the Twilight Zone. I watch too much Twilight Zone].

The weather has been this wonky since yesterday, and I feel like my brain and body are both trying to push through a thick fog of heat and humidity. I would rather it rain and get over with instead of stay miserable and gross.

This isn’t going to be terribly long.

In any case, during my aggravatingly distracted drive home, I started to plot out an idea for a movie I’d like to see at some point in my life. One that will never get made, because Hollywood doesn’t like ideas that aren’t guaranteed to get them money.

My Elevator Pitch on overly warm grossness is Hancock meets Power Rangers/Mystery Men. It stars David Yost for reasons that will totally become apparent in a moment.

It isn’t like the crappy new Power Rangers. It isn’t dark and broody, although it is a bit more serious in tone.

David Yost is basically a former Power Ranger or movie version equivalent who feels like his team let him down for reasons relating to his personal life. The Power Ranger equivalent of his former team are famous successful assholes who go around like the Avengers and save people, but are more focused on the fame aspect of it than saving people.

Something happens to them and they need to be saved. David Yost gets a team of Teenagers with Attitude to help save them, because he lost his powers when he got kicked our or whatever. He’s less sunshine and roses about training a bunch of kids, and is more tough guy ‘this could get you killed’ type of person. Deep down he cares though.

In the end he saves his former friends and tells them that he’s stronger than they are and not a douche-bag like them.

There’s men in robot and rubber monster suits.

Maybe David Yost runs a karate school, and the kids don’t magically know kung fu like it has been downloaded into their brains ala The Matrix.

There is no sepia or colour correcting filter to make everything look like it’s blue.

Get Edgar Wright to do it. It’d be funny and have a heart.

I don’t need a Super Hero movie where the heroes look perfect and beautiful even when they’re broken down. I think we have enough Spiderman’s and Doctor Stranges.

I want an awesome comeback story. A real one.

I want to see the actor who once said that he felt like he couldn’t be a hero because he was gay actually be The Hero.

Who knows, maybe that’s too much to ask.

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