Writing

I am writing. Really writing.

I don’t know if it’s going to be trash. I want to trash it. But I won’t.

This is partially because I’ve already started sending people bits and pieces of the first draft, and partially because I feel really good about what I’m writing.

Okay, I lied. It’s only because the people that I sent the drafts to have saved it and are holding them ransom. If I delete what I’ve written they will post the crappy drafts that I’ve written and everyone will laugh at what a trash person I am.

Then again, they probably will when I post it anyway.

I am such a positive person.

I forgot how exhausted actually writing things down can be. I mean I usually write something when I come home, but that’s about my life and doesn’t require any real brain power. I’m already tired by that point and think ‘screw it, what’s a bit more exhaustion piled on top?’

Now, I feel like something is trying to suck my brain out with a straw, only my brain is a really thick Frosty.

Yesterday I found out that they are getting rid of The Great American Movie Ride at Hollywood Studios, and I cried. That is a totally normal, reasonable rational response [it isn’t], because things never change [they are always changing], and nothing can ever replace it [there probably will be something better on the horizon].

The part of me that isn’t a lunatic actually sat in the back of my head saying ‘no…stop’ in the most apathetic tone imaginable.

See, I hate this about myself. 90% of the time I am great at parsing normal human behavior. Add stress into the mix, give me a bad day, start tacking all my little bullshit anxieties on top of one another and suddenly I’m bawling that Disney is closing a ride I liked and my life is ruined.

Yeah Disney, you’re the reason everything in my life is so screwy. Take that, I sure showed you. It’s not my job, or my decisions. It’s Walt Disney World Resort, now all of my problems are solved, my life finally has meaning.  [I don’t really think this]

I just sometimes wish that I could actively channel the bad anxiety ridden mess that I turn into when things start changing rapidly and knocking me out of my comfort zone, sumo suit style, in a more positive way.

Which brings me back to….

Writing! I’m doing it! I have a good [kinda] idea and I’m fleshing it out! It has a plot! It’s over 1000 words right now! Positive thoughts!

I’ll probably try to finish everything by tomorrow and post it. Go over it once and release it in to the wild like one of those crazy people who thinks that some cute bird or bunny isn’t an invasive species that then kills half of a countries population of some special flower.

It only bloomed once every 100 years. I should feel so proud of myself.

I don’t.

 

 

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