It’s taking me longer to do finish what I started.
I feel like how I used to when I would set out to make something as a kid and had a class project. I would watch everyone else set everything up and just do it, no questions asked.
I would overthink, plot out what I wanted to make, make it, and then feel bad that it didn’t look the way I thought it should in my head. I would imagine that the garbage everyone else made came out exactly as they wanted it, no mistakes.
I’m the only person capable of making mistakes.
At least that’s what I used to think. Well, maybe ‘used to’ is no longer the correct turn of phrase.
I think this is mainly the problem I’m experiencing now.
I find myself writing something and then deleting it, writing and deleting, back and forth. Luckily I haven’t shown anyone anything that I’ve deleted so I won’t get in trouble for stating this fact.
Plus I am a master at procrastination.
I actually CLEANED to get out of writing. I don’t even like cleaning.
I think I should just start writing something whenever the house needs to get cleaned now. Everything in the house will be spotless.
Today, I asked my friends to explain what they felt about something, because I was hoping to get ideas that I could
borrow steal use to spark something inside my head that would make the words come easier. Then I used that to segue into an off topic conversation about something completely unrelated.
Then I started ranting, lost my train of thought and am now here.
There was a time when everything was easy, when I could just type crap out and then boom it was there. Granted I would get rid of it just as quickly, but hell, why can’t I be like that anymore?
Maybe I’m out of practice.
Maybe I’m lazy.
Maybe I’m worried about what the idea of finishing means.
Maybe Maybe Maybe.
In any case. There is a thing, and it will be done sooner rather than later, even if I wind up saying screw it and word vomiting whatever comes into my head.