I didn’t mean to backslide. I had a plan. I had focus. I had ideas and thoughts that needed to be said.
I also had anxiety. I had worry and panic.
I feel awkward writing in front of my husband. I feel like any moment, regardless of how supportive he has been of me that something will change and he will start laughing. I will be a joke, and my hobby will be stupid. I will have written badly and he will think that I am foolish for doing more than just my ‘real’ job.
I think that’s just my brain talking, thinking, whatever.
Continue reading “Backslide”
Yesterday I felt like everything was simultaneously going wrong and right at the same time.
Then I went to work.
I guess I should start from the beginning. I hate when things are different. I love schedules. I love doing the same thing over and over again.
I’m not saying I dislike going on vacation or anything like that, I mean, who could possibly hate going away somewhere and having other people take care of you? An alien maybe. I mean, not having to worry about cleaning up the kitchen or replacing the sheets on the bed? Not having to go to work? Amazing. I could do that forever.
In the real world though, the day to day, I really can’t deal with things changing. Particularly big things. Things that my brain considers to be kind of a big deal.
I had to work at night.
Continue reading “Night Shift”
Have you ever had one of those nights where dreamed you were going through the motions of the day, and then woke up and had to do it all over again?
I had to live through a nightmare of a full shift, climbing into bed, and then boom, the alarm goes off and I realize it was all fake. Just my brain making me do more work.
On a more positive note, some pretty cool stuff happened yesterday!
My husband wants to get back into streaming again. He says that me actually sticking to a schedule (haha, jokes on him) and actually writing ( about something anything at all) is making him feel motivated to stick with something he has wanted to do.
I am going to take all the credit for his desire to do this. I feel like preening for a bit.
Continue reading “Successes”
Today, I told my husband I wanted to write something fictional, but that I feel like I have no motivation.
Work has been leaving me feeling tired and empty headed. I feel like lately all of my energy is sucked up into pretending I’m happy about working somewhere that forces me to give every ounce of myself to them.It doesn’t help that I get a feeling that the company I work for can’t make up it’s mind.
Every day is like running an obstacle course.
“Train the employees, they need to know how to do what you do.”
“No wait, don’t do that, they are bad at doing what you do, and are taking time to learn. Do what you do normally. Stop training them.”
“Our numbers are bad, we need to get these new projects done, go do them now.”
“Our other projects aren’t getting done, do those instead.”
Etc and so forth.
This brings me back to my writers block, and my attempts to cure it. IE, writing a lot of the time, writing about anything that comes into my head, writing about real life, and slightly fake life.
Still nothing so far, but we’ll see.
In any case my husband recommended I write something about our cat, though he said that anything I write would most likely be closer to truth than fiction.
Continue reading “Cattitude”
Today, one of my coworkers showed me some of her brand of stress related crazy.
She draws out boxes in intervals of time, and makes them smaller and smaller the longer time goes on. She said it helps her relax and count down how much longer she has until she gets to go home.
I decided to share mine, I mean I figured since she’d decided to share something so personal with me it was only fair that I do the same. I would assume that that was the sort of response you’re supposed to give?
I’m not really sure because I don’t think I’m doing too well at the whole ‘being social at work’ thing.
Continue reading “Sweeps”
A couple of weeks ago at work, we had a power outage in our building, and today our phone lines went down for a couple of hours. It may be that we work in an old building, but one of my coworkers joked about how I was the person most likely to have done both intentionally.
People sometimes joke that they could see me being a serial killer.
I’m beginning to sense a theme here.
Anyway, here’s some fiction stuff I wrote about that.
Continue reading “Down Time”